Top 10 Worst of 2010: The Runners Up

Narrowing down the field to just 10 of the worst appearances of the year was nearly impossible. You know I love the disastrous appearances. So, without further ado, the ones that almost made it:

Things that Make Me Sad

L to R: Princess Máxima, Princess Mathilde, Princess Alexia, Grand Duchess Maria Teresa, Princess Alexandra, Sarah Ferguson

From bad fabrics (that'd be Máxima and Maria Teresa) to bad shapes (Mathilde and Alexia), these ladies brought me down with their unfortunate selections. Designers make me sad, too: example being when NATAN attacked poor young Princess Alexandra. And when Sarah busted out her Alexander McQueen...it made me weep for the memory of that poor designer. Have some respect for his legacy, Sarah: retire that dress.

That's enough of the sad. Let's get back to the humorous appearances, shall we?

When Accessories Attack

L to R: Princess Elena, Princess Anne, Princess Michael, Queen Margrethe, Princess Claire

It's the bolero and the hair piece on Elena that takes this pink number from just enthusiastically ball-gownish to straight up costume. Similarly, Princess Anne's outfit on Ascot Day 2 wasn't that bad...until you saw the hair ornaments. It's a little disturbing on a woman of Anne's age (not to mention a woman of Anne's persona). Even more disturbing, though, is this fortune teller get up of Princess Michael. Talk about your costumes! What's not a costume, of course, is Margrethe's floral raincoat - that's just who she is (shame she didn't bust out the matching hat, though). And I'm sadly afraid that these necklaces attacking Princess Claire might just be who she is. Yikes.

Royal Hippies

L to R: Princess Cristina, Queen Sofia, Princess Letizia, Charlene Wittstock

A nice printed fabric, a lovely flow...just makes you yearn for the beach (or Woodstock). But on royal duty? Methinks not. At least we're getting a picture of where Elena might have gotten the inspiration for her clown pants. I have no explanation for Charlene, though. Let's just hope she'll have a better Armani experience come wedding time.

Prints Gone Wild

L to R: Crown Princess Margarita, Princess Irene, Queen Beatrix, Princess Märtha Louise (times 2!)

Oh, prints went wild on the dance floor too this year. Margarita combined the ever-popular jail bird trend with a nice floral for a truly mind-boggling frock, while Princess Irene and Queen Beatrix went paisley (why?). Märtha Louise, always one to give us something to snicker at, dished up two doozies this year: sea creature with a mullet at Victoria's pre-wedding dinner, and striped up like a football star during the Netherlands state visit. It should be noted that she's worn that dress before, to Frederik and Mary's wedding. She appears to only wear it when she has a sash that accentuates the stripe-age.

A Serious Case of Try Hard

L to R: Crown Princess Pavlos, Princess Nikolaos, Princess Letizia, Crown Princess Victoria, Crown Princess Mary, Princess Mabel

There's a lot of fashionable princesses mucking about out there. There are some that are truly stylish, and some that just think they are, but they all have their moments of Trying Too Hard. Marie-Chantal is a couture-clad designer, but I still don't get this overly metallic frock. (Too much.) Tatiana's another fashion industry veteran, but this black outfit crosses from fashionable to Halloween. (Too harsh.) Letizia tries, but I will never have any love for the M.C. Hammer pants. (Too wrong.) I love Victoria, but shooties? Seriously? (Too much of a travesty.) And Mary, she gets it right so often, but this top and these pants and those shoes on a pregnant lady...no. (Too much try.)

Naturally, we close once again with Mabel. With stripper shoes...and a jumpsuit. Wait, why didn't this one make the countdown? Crap.

Alright, you've heard me out. Now, tell me: who did I miss?

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #1. Princess Mabel at Crown Princess Victoria's Wedding

I thought about it, and I thought about it, and here's what I came up with:

This thing just can't be topped. I mean, it hits all the criteria I set out at the beginning of this list:

Raucous laughter: check. Come on, it's both a tutu and business wear. Hilarity!

Gasps of horror: oh yeah. I'll say it again, it's both a tutu and business wear. WHY?

The rare, but potent, "OH NO YOU DIDN'T": never more true. This isn't something worn to a gala party where Mabel was the headliner. She wore this to someone's wedding. And you know the primary rule of wedding attire: don't you dare upstage the bride. If this isn't an attempt at that, then I really don't know what's going on here.

I'm just going to go ahead and assume this one made your list, so tell me: was it your number one?

Also, coming tomorrow: the outfits that almost made my list.

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #2. Princess Elena at an Exhibit Opening

And the next stop on our trip through the worst outfits of 2010 brings us to a pause in the land of LOL:

Like I said before, this is a technicolor dream suit. Maybe just the jacket I could deal with, but the trousers just send this straight into comical territory. It's just...SO MUCH.

I guess that's just become Elena's territory of late. Those memorable costumes at Victoria's wedding pop into the brain, for starters. And this suit is a repeat from earlier times, so maybe she's always lived here. I can't decide if this is a case of trying too hard or not trying hard enough, but I thank her for the laughs anyways.

Photos: IPAPRESS/Belga

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #3. Bridesmaids at Nikolaos and Tatiana's Wedding

Not technically royals, no. But since they were bridesmaids, I'm going on the assumption that these dresses were chosen by Tatiana, or at the very least approved by her. So I'm counting it.

And really, how could I not:

This just does not compute. I mean, if you were going to the school dance with a bunch of your girlfriends and you decided to put on a silly show of solidarity, sure. That I would get.

But this is a wedding. A royal wedding, at that. I have to be honest, even if these were the bride's choice at a family wedding held in the Nowheresville that I hail from, I'd raise an eyebrow. And I have relatives that have been known to wear blue jeans to weddings. (Oh, how I wish I was kidding.)

Or maybe I'm just disappointed. Out of Tatiana, if I can't get something to fall in love with, I at least expect to get something high fashion. Not mall chain prom.

Photo: Getty Images/Europa Press

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #4. Princess Stephanie at the Red Cross Ball

Really, any number of Stephanie appearances this year were game for this list. But I picked this one:

 Like I said about Stephanie on National Day, she always looks guilty. And she is:

Guilty of abuse of tanning supplies in the first degree.

Guilty of reusing the foil wrapped around her dinner leftovers to wrap herself.

Guilty of not one, but two serious violations of the rules of decent cleavage. (Broken rule #1: A little goes a long way. Broken rule #2: Thou shalt not squish those bad boys.)

Guilty of wearing a sartorial mullet, and wearing it the wrong way around: the business end is supposed to be in the front, with the party in the back. This is night club in the front and gala in the back.

Oh, Stephanie.

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #5. Princess Laurentien at a Literacy Event

I'm not sure I could make a Worst Top 10 list without an appearance by Princess Laurentien. After all, this is the lady that made not one, but two appearances on the list of Top 10 Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests (and you can relive that fun here and here).

And looky here, she's done it again:

The scarf feels like a move out of an aging rocker's playbook. So do the leggings. Keith Richards, anyone?

Also, for the record: I do love red shoes. (In order, my favorite shoe colors are purple, yellow, and then red. Just so you know.) Not these red shoes, though. I'm sure they're made of the finest that today's petroleum products have to offer, but no. I maintain my position that these right here are stripper shoes.

Oh, and stockings with peep toe shoes? Don't get me started. Reminds me of the things I used to see visiting Grandma at the old folks' home.

Photos: PPE/v.d. Werf

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #6. Princess Letizia at a Research Center Inaguration

We've talked about Letizia's business casual wardrobe. But just when I thought she'd reached the most casual she could get...

Shorts. She wore shorts. With a dressed down jacket, button down shirt, and casual scarf. To an official engagement. Le sigh. (El sigh?)

Letizia doesn't really do the whole fairy tale thing much. She seems to tow the whole "Royals! They're just like us!" line. Okay. I don't really get that line of thinking - to me, hey, if you really are just like me why should I be interested in you? - but I'm not Spanish, so it doesn't really matter.

However: there is a line between sporting casual, affordable, public relations-friendly gear and just plain out inappropriate under-dressing. The line has been crossed, and the list has been made.

Photo: Zimbio

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #7. Queen Sonja at Queen Margrethe's Birthday Celebrations

When I announced this new top 10 list, there were suggestions of upholstered queens and tutus as potential list subjects. My friends, I present to you: The Upholstered Tutu (and on a Queen to boot).

Ruffles and layers and lace, all in a fine shade of mustard.  I just have to ask...what about this is supposed to be attractive?

For sheer head-shaking bafflement, this one makes the list.

(Also: Do you think Sonja influenced Mette-Marit's recent run of tiered ruffle gowns, or perhaps the other way around?)

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #8. Sarah Ferguson at Alice Ferguson's Wedding

Sarah Ferguson didn't even make that many appearances in 2010, yet there were two serious contenders among them for my little list. Quite a feat, that. Both well done and exceedingly poorly done at the same time.

There was this one, of course. Oh, Sarah. But this one takes the cake for me:

Where do I even start? Let's just dig right in: the dress carries a distracting pattern and a distracting neckline, and then she's gone and placed it under a jacket which has it's own serious amount of STUFF going on, and all that goes under a fascinator that has yet more things happening on it. The bag's for evening, the shoes are more for day, and neither is an appropriate match to the whimsy that dress is trying to bring to the ensemble.

You can not use the art of TOO MUCH to distract from the fact that you can't dress yourself properly for your own age. Attempt it, and you shall find yourself on the Worst list. I'm sorry, but those are the rules.

Photo: Daily Mail

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #9. Prince Henrik at the Royal Hunt

Let's play a game! Come on, it'll be fun.

Let's turn back time and pretend that you had yourself a hot little ticket to Victoria and Daniel's wedding. Let's also say that you got to choose who you were seated beside at the banquet (we're playing pretend here, go with it). Any two royals to be seated between. Who would you pick?

Me? If I was in the mood for gossip, I think I'd go with Madeleine and Mary. Out of pure curiosity, I might go with Letizia and Felipe just to see what that's like. If I was on the mood for...something else, I'd go with Guillaume and Félix and Carl Philip (that's three, but I can cheat because it's my game).

On the other hand, if I wanted to have the most fun night ever, I rather think I'd go with Máxima on one side and none other than the Prince Consort himself, Henrik, on the other.

I mean, if this guy can make me laugh out loud just by getting dressed in the morning, can you imagine what fun I'd have over dinner?

I admire the spirit, but that kind of fashion statement (punctuated by the fact that it is no more a costume than anything else he wears is) has to have a place on the list.

Now, pop down to the comments and play our game! I promise, it's fun. Plus, I'm nosy and I wanna know your answers.

Photos: PPE

Top 10 Worst of 2010: #10. Princess Anne at King Constantine's Birthday Party

Oh, Anne. You so crazy. I get that you're a serial outfit repeater, but I will never get this:

I'm assuming that this is a repeat from an event deep in the 1980's, even though I haven't seen photographic proof of it. I have to assume that, because I'm not sure my faith in the fashion industry could withstand the revelation that somebody actually made this for her anytime after, say, 1993. And any outfit that makes me question the fashion industry as a whole deserves a spot on the Worst list. Am I right? Examine the back of it before you make your decision:

Photos: Newspix/Belga

New Top 10 List: The Worst Dressed of 2010

I have been nice all week, with these Best of 2010 posts. That's some kind of record for me, mark it on your calendars. (Note: my version of nice may vary from yours. These things are relative.) Time to snap out of it. Let's indulge in a different sort of sartorial admiration: celebration of the horrendous.

I have a new top 10 list to share: The Worst Dressed of 2010!

When I say "worst", I am not talking about the disappointments, the underwhelming efforts, or the meh moments. No, I am talking about the things that caused an actual audible reaction. Raucous laughter, gasps of horror, and the rare (but potent) "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!": this is what I'm talking about.

This past year may have had an abundance of triumphant moments, but it also had some true sartorial horror stories, and I had real difficulties narrowing this list down to just 10 spots. Rest assured, the runners up will be making the blog too.

We're counting down, starting tomorrow.

(P.S.: And get your own list of fashion nightmares ready so we can compare!)

UPDATE: Here's the full list!

1. Princess Mabel at Crown Princess Victoria's Wedding

2. Princess Elena at an Exhibit Opening

3. Bridesmaids at the Wedding of Nikolaos and Tatiana

4. Princess Stephanie at the Red Cross Ball

5. Princess Laurentien at a Literacy Event

6. Princess Letizia at a Research Center Inaguration

7. Queen Sonja at Queen Margrethe's Birthday Celebrations

8. Sarah Ferguson at Alice Ferguson's Wedding

9. Prince Henrik at the Royal Hunt

10. Princess Anne at King Constantine's Birthday Party

The Runners Up

Top 10 Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests: #1. Laurentien Does It Again

1.  Princess Laurentien at the Wedding of Crown Prince Frederik and Mary Donaldson
 

It takes a lot to top the Mabel's disastrous performance at the Swedish wedding.  Only a woman with the sartorial sense to make this list twice has it in her. 

We've got cape-like sleeves that fly about as if independent from the rest of the gown.  We've got heavy quilted fabric that's made to add pounds to the body.  And then...we've got the chest.

If you were forced to compliment Mabel's dress at the Swedish wedding, you'd at least be able to say that she had a good body under there.  This one....well, you can not say that.  This is not just an undergarment (or lack-of-undergarment) fail, the dress appears to have been made to create a pointy chest - look at the way the fabric is seamed and the way it drapes.  An upper body that could hurt someone.  WHY?  Saggy torpedo boob takes the cake.

Photos: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images/AFP/Sven Nackstrand

Top 10 Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests: #2. Oh, Mabel.

2.  Princess Mabel at the Wedding of Crown Princess Victoria and Daniel Westling

I know, I know. You've only just now recovered from the sight of this "dress" a mere two months ago.  It's quite possibly the most obvious entry for the countdown.  But it's such an aggregious error in judgement, there's no way it wasn't making this list. 

I think it's gotten worse since June, what do you think?  Two months ago I was mainly preoccupied with the trouser situation, but now I find myself especially appalled by the top - it's awfully low cut and tight in addition to the strapless action, no?

I want to know who's behind this infamous creation.  I mean, I know Viktor & Rolf designed it.  But something about the smile on Mabel's face makes me think the ballerina-by-night/executive-by-day idea was hers.  She's just such a smug kitten, isn't she?

Top 10 Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests: #3. Princess Anne's Repeat Offense

3.  Princess Anne at the Wedding of Lady Rose Windsor and George Gilman

When the Princess Royal turned up in this yellow printed floral frock to Lady Rose Windsor's 2008 wedding, it didn't take long to pinpoint the fact that it was repeated:

The entire outfit, hat and all, was first worn in 1981 for Charles and Diana's wedding.  Twenty seven years earlier.  Anne's thrifty, and she's hardworking, and that's her schtick.  But this?

Not only has this dress not aged well, it hasn't aged alongside its wearer.  Perhaps, at the age of 31, Anne could pull off a dress with ruffles and flowers and netting.  But in the years since, her public persona has become more honed, and putting herself in a dress that's downright girly these days looks silly.

Between this dress and Kate Middleton's solo presence at this wedding, the bride was hardly noticed.  For shame.

Photos: Rex Features/Tim Graham/Getty Images

Top 10 Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests: #4. Eva Sannum's Mistake

4. Eva Sannum at the Wedding of Crown Prince Haakon and Mette-Marit Tjessem Høiby

A girlfriend invited to a royal wedding with her prince has an opportunity on her hands. She can prove herself (see: Charlene Wittstock at Victoria's wedding) or she can....do this.

Many, many eyes were on Eva here at the Norwegian crown princely wedding; she was, at the time, the much-maligned long term girlfriend of Prince Felipe. She'd been seen sunbathing topless, she was a lingerie model, and reports that Queen Sofia couldn't stand her were rampant. She had a long way to go to become regal enough for Spain. So what did she do, when invited to a royal wedding that her prince would be attending?

She dressed like a nude bathing lingerie model. The make up is trashy. The dress is not only too revealing, it's super cheap looking. Talk about putting the final nail in your own coffin. Maybe she and Felipe were never meant to be in the first place, but I can't help but think that a classy turn at this major occasion might have turned the tides for her instead of further against her.

Photos: Over

Top 10 Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests: #6 and 5. The Ladies in Costume

6. Princess Elena at the Wedding of Crown Princess Victoria and Daniel Westling
 5. Princess Märtha Louise at the Wedding of Prince Felipe and Letizia Ortiz 

These two we will group together because they suffer the same ailment: they are costumes.  It's a wedding, not a fancy dress party, ladies.

The more I look at Elena's gown from earlier this summer, the less I like it.  At first I was turned off by the overly ornamental bolero jacket and hairstyle, but now the rest of the dress is bugging me.  The exaggerated flare of the skirt is giving the rest of her body an oddly small and long shape.

As for Märtha Louise, this sort of thing is par for the course for her, but this one just looks like a child's craft project.  I know what she was going for: a tribute to the colors of Spain and the prize for more originally-dressed guest, but she didn't even succeed on that level.

 What sort of wedding brings out two of this kind of monstrosity is beyond me.

Photos: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images/Belga

Top 10 Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests: #7. Mette-Marit Doesn't Go Far Enough

7. Crown Princess Mette-Marit at the Wedding of Prince Willem-Alexander and Maxima Zorrieguieta

If too much is a sartorial sin, then so is too little (hello, Letizia, am I right?).  This event dates from the early stage of Mette-Marit's royal life, when things were dire indeed.  No hairdressers, make up artists or stylists were in sight back in the day, and M-M had a tendency to dress starkly and perpetually under the occasion.  This wedding ensemble was the lowest of the low; she's dressed like she's attending a memorial service, not a joyous nuptual celebration.  Tremedously boring.

Improvement, thankfully, was on the way:

Here she is nearly early four months later at Märtha Louise's wedding.  Fairy tale: found!

Photos: IBL/Michel Porro/Getty Images

Top 10 Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests: #10, 9, and 8. The Ladies Who Went Too Far

10. Princess Beatrice at the Wedding of Peter Phillips and Autumn Kelly

9. Princess Maxima at the Wedding of Prince Pieter-Christiaan and Anita van Eijk 
(Religious Service)

8. Princess Laurentien at the Wedding of Prince Pieter-Christiaan and Anita van Eijk 
(Civil Service)

These three go together because they've all committed the same sin:  TOO MUCH!  The focus is supposed to be on the bride, not on your crazy ass hat, ladies.

Take Princess Beatrice, for example.  On its own, I love this ensemble.  Seriously - LOVE it.  The outfit comes from Alexander McQueen's Spring 2008 Ready to Wear collection, which featured hats created by Philip Treacy and was, in and of itself, a tribute to the late Isabella Blow (a lady who was never without something crazy perched atop her head).

The dress is a work of art, and the butterfly fascinator is one of the most original things to come out of a millinery studio in a long time.  But.....at a wedding?  Let's leave it to Ladies Day at Ascot, where craziness is the entire point of the day.  Whenever you have to ask yourself if more people might remember your outfit than the bride's, you need to revise your choice.  It's common decency.   

Princess Anita ended up the victim of a double attack of sartorial one-upmanship at her wedding; first, Laurentien assaulted our visual senses at the civil ceremony, and then Maxima dealt the final technicolor blow at the religious service.

Maxima, now, she's one of the rare people that can pull off a lot of look.  The lady is tailor-made for bright colors and crazy headgear.  But this, with its fuchsia and red shoes, red coat and MAJOR Fabienne Delvigne pink and red hat, has crossed a line.  I'm not sure where a better spot would have been to showcase this look (perhaps a trip for Royal Ascot to join Bea at Ladies Day?) but poor Anita's wedding wasn't it.  And as for Laurentien...I'm pretty sure this is too much for all occasions on all days.  Just....no.

Photos: Michel Porro/Getty Images/Anwar Hussein/Wire Image/Marcio Madeira/Style.com

Top 10: Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests

Kids, it is once again time to ramp ourselves up for royal wedding extravaganza.  So how about a brand new wedding-themed Top 10 list?

While I'm looking forward to the elegance that will surely be on display at Tatiana and Nikolaos's upcoming wedding, there's a part of me that's really praying we'll see something truly disastrous.  Because what's a wedding without a little humor?  The question, though, is whether we'll see anything worthy of a place on my list of Top 10 Worst Dressed Royal Wedding Guests, which I'll be counting down from tomorrow until the big day.

New entries will be linked up to this post as they come up!

10. Princess Beatrice at the Wedding of Peter Phillips and Autumn Kelly

9. Princess Maxima at the Wedding of Prince Pieter-Christiaan and Anita van Eijk (Religious Service)

8. Princess Laurentien at the Wedding of Prince Pieter-Christiaan and Anita van Eijk (Civil Service)

7. Crown Princess Mette-Marit at the Wedding of Prince Willem-Alexander and Maxima Zorrieguieta 

6. Princess Elena at the Wedding of Crown Princess Victoria and Daniel Westling

 5. Princess Märtha Louise at the Wedding of Prince Felipe and Letizia Ortiz

4. Eva Sannum at the Wedding of Crown Prince Haakon and Mette-Marit Tjessem Høiby

3. Princess Anne at the Wedding of Lady Rose Windsor and George Gilman

2. Princess Mabel at the Wedding of Crown Princess Victoria and Daniel Westling

1. Princess Laurentien at the Wedding of Crown Prince Frederik and Mary Donaldson